i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
