just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize