i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
