I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
