Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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