In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
