It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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