The maid of honor just puked.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
