she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
