Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
