you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
