I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I would fuck him just for his dog
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
