I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize