She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
there is glitter all over my balls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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