I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
