Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
