last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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