if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
soo... how was my night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
