Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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