she's into porn, im staying here tonight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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