I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize