You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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