I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
