Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize