i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
