I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize