One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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