I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just blew my weed a kiss
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
