I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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