If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Come see our sink grown plant.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
