Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have post one night stand depression
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
