Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
