It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
