Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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