I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
