My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
