I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
