Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
