That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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