She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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