By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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