the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize