laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
