My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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