Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am one with the molecules
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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