I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
