I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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