You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How's work?
Spinning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
