I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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