Say something about gay babies.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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