We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
