and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
