Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We're too hungover to prance.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
