babies were throwing up all over the place
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
