my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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