there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
