Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
