I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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