Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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