Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
try to milk me bitch
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
