Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
