Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
