I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
