So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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