Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Swine flu. Run for my life!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Randomize
