if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
