Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
