Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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