About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
