Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
