When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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