one might say we're banned from that church
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
