I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
