I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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