Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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