I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
