Soap is not a condiment
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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