i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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