I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
