And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
