oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sorry my hands just texted you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
