i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
