talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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