After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
