mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
