Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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