i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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