2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
