As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
