That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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