Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
