I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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