she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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