Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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