I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
