Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
