Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
