i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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