I feel like abortions should bother me more
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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