Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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