if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
