Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Boobs speak an international language.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
