Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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