dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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