Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
