And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
