so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
