she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize