The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
