If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
