I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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