I'm really into asian looking animals
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize